let’s reflect.
At Good Human Work, we believe that real change takes time. We learn, we reflect, we practice change, we rest, we repeat.
December 1, 2024
Creating Healthy Boundaries for the Holidays
At Good Human Work, we believe that real change takes time.
We learn, we reflect, we practice change, we rest, we repeat.
This week, we are focused on the human need to connect.
Let’s learn.
The winter holiday season is often portrayed as a time of rest, reconnection, and restoration. However, the winter holiday season can also bring incredible amounts of stress, conflict, grief, and burnout. So how do we achieve the former while protecting ourselves from the latter? Boundaries.
We hear about boundaries all the time. We know we have to have them. We know we have to respect them. And now we’re hearing that they might be the secret to health and happiness at the holidays. Before we dive into healthy holiday boundaries, let’s first learn a bit about healthy boundaries in general.
We deserve healthy boundaries in all our relationships.
In our relationships, boundaries are the lines that separate “us” from “other”.
If these invisible lines are weak, we put ourselves at risk for taking on too much stress from other people. This can lead to anxiety and burnout.
If our boundaries are too rigid, we can feel disconnected and out of touch with the people we love, and it can increase loneliness.
Relational boundaries are the lines that define what we accept and what we do not accept. You’ve probably heard the adage “you teach people how to treat you”. Although it may be cliché, it’s also extremely true.
By taking a look at the boundaries in all of our relationships, we can decide whether we’re letting people in too much or whether we’re keeping them out unnecessarily. Healthy boundaries can look very different across different relationships and that’s ok.
Let’s reflect.
How do we create and maintain healthy boundaries at the holidays?
Paying attention to how much time you’re spending with others out of obligation v. enjoyment is an important first step. Limiting time with loved ones can be tricky, however if we don’t, we end up at risk of harboring negative feelings toward them eventually. Boundaries help protect relationships by keeping us in the “enjoyment” phase and leaving before it becomes too much. If we end up with resentment, frustration, or exhaustion with others, it alerts us (in hindsight) that our boundaries were likely too loose.
Around the holidays, it isn’t unlikely that we will engage in difficult conversations with our loved ones. Tough conversations can overwhelm and exhaust us, especially when we strongly disagree with the people we care about.
Our apprehension to have these tough talks with loved ones comes from our desire to maintain a connection to them, while staying true to ourselves. Empathy is essential for both parties in these conversations for them to go well.
Knowing your boundaries around which conversations you’ll engage in and to what level, can help prevent a problem from starting or escalating.
Let’s practice change.
When we’re stressed, it’s difficult for our bodies to process new information - our hormones shift and it leads to lower memory and learning abilities, making it almost impossible to understand what someone is trying to explain or how they’re trying to connect with us. So, we need to disengage fear and engage empathy.
When we engage in empathy, we are reminded of our own process of emotional discovery. We are reminded that we are confused, tired, scared, frustrated, and maybe even distant. Speaking from our heart to share these secondary emotions allows us to lean into our relationships and lead with love. We can speak our truth and do it in a way that hopefully connects us rather than divides us.
As we engage in boundary work and create moments to connect with our loved ones, there may be moments or conversations where we need to either walk away or redirect the conversation to a different subject.
Knowing what you need, what boundaries keep you healthy, and how to respectfully and clearly talk about them is the first step to happier holidays. Implementing boundaries is hard work, but it’s worth it. If you’re unsure how to handle this, reach out for a session. We’re here to help.
