SELF Magazine
6 Ways to Be an Actual Ally to the Trans Students in Your Life
Source:
https://www.self.com/story/how-to-be-an-actual-ally-to-the-trans-students-in-your-life
A supportive environment can literally save lives.
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It’s hard enough to be a tween or teen in the world. But for young transgender individuals, working through their gender identity without the right support can be frustrating, debilitating, or worse. A 2015 survey found that 40 percent of transgender adults in the U.S. had attempted suicide at some point. And, according to new research, a trans student's environment—whether positive or negative—can have a serious impact on their mental health and the chances that they will develop suicidal thoughts.
The research, published this month in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, looked at data from California high school students who took two statewide health surveys in 2013 and 2015. The researchers found that about 35 percent of trans students in the study reported having suicidal thoughts compared to approximately 19 percent of non-transgender students (and around 17 percent of all high school students, according to the CDC).
School-based victimization and depression factored heavily into that disparity: Victimization included being physically abused (e.g. pushed, slapped, shoved) as well as name calling, fear of being beaten up, having mean rumors or lies spread about them, or having sexual jokes or comments made to them. Trans students who had endured these experiences were even more likely to report suicidal thoughts.
“These numbers, unfortunately, are huge,” Amaya Perez-Brumer, lead author of the paper and doctoral candidate at Columbia University, tells SELF. “The big takeaway should be, 'Let’s support our youth and let’s get better measures out there to figure out what we need to do to help these kids out.'”
It should go without saying that peers, parents, and instructors have a responsibility to not inadvertently harm any students—especially trans students—at such a critical time in their overall development. Even though we sincerely hope you are not actively bullying someone, there are some subtle ways you may be making life harder for young trans individuals. So, here are a few ways for allies to foster a supportive environment for the transgender young adults in their lives.
1. Don’t avoid the subject—do your homework.
It may be tempting to simply avoid gender identity issues because you're not familiar with the subject, you're afraid of sounding ignorant, or you worry that your beliefs may contradict another person's. But Shelly Smith, L.M.F.T., an Illinois-based counselor who provides training for teachers and administrative staff working with transgender youth, tells SELF that avoiding the subject altogether could send the message that you don't care about the issues trans kids are dealing with.
Do your research on gender identity, and check your assumptions and stereotypes at the door, Smith says. She recommends visiting resources such as Welcoming Schools, Gender Spectrum, or state and local trans support organizations for accurate information.
“There are countless resources on local, state, and national levels that you can look up and find more information,” Smith says. “That education goes a long way toward encouraging you and teaching you how to be respectful and speak more appropriately.”
2. When in doubt, ask.
“For a trans person, being identified by a name that they no longer use or consider their own...cuts to the core of their identity and can be incredibly painful,” Smith says. That's why she says it’s better to ask which pronouns they use and what their preferred name is than use the wrong name and pronoun throughout the conversation.
Names are closely tied to everyone’s personal identity, so treat trans youth the way you’d treat everyone else: Get their name and pronoun correct up front. And if you don’t know, politely ask.
3. But don't ask questions you wouldn't want to be asked.
Asking prying questions about a student’s genitalia, gender-affirming surgery, hormone medication or any other intrusive questions is almost always inappropriate. Before asking a trans person about their experience or wellbeing, ask yourself if you’d be comfortable if someone asked you a similar question, Smith says. If not, don’t ask it.
Even friends of trans individuals should be careful not to overstep their boundaries. “If it’s a friend (and) there’s mutual trust and mutual respect, it can be appropriate to ask about their experience," Smith says. "But I still suggest that people do it in a cautious and respectful way, making sure along the way that they aren't being pushy.”
4. Create and maintain gender-affirming spaces.
According to Smith, schools can make sure students’ preferred names have been entered into the school's internal systems. Simply changing a student’s name in the computer system could prevent small slights, including teachers using the wrong name while taking attendance or sending home report cards with the wrong name. Although they may seem small, both of these instances can be very harmful to students who are already trying to get through the day-to-day of high school.
Smith also recommends teachers avoid gender-binary language in the classroom, such as saying things like, “Attention, ladies and gentlemen. I need all the boys on this side of the room and all the girls on that side of the room.” Small comments like that can be confusing for students who are working through their gender identity—or how they express that in school. "We have some students who haven’t claimed any gender at all for various reasons,” she explains. “Those things tend to lead to the victimization without teachers even realizing it.”
When a teen is transitioning socially by coming out in select (hopefully safe) places, parents should advocate for their child and educate others—especially when other adults are involved, such as at school, doctor's appointments, and other family's homes. However, when parents are talking to teachers and administrators, they should keep a student's gender identity private until he/she/they is ready to come out publicly.
Friends can also be supportive by advocating for their peers when appropriate and being supportive of the transgender community at large. That might mean friends educating their own parents or openly voicing their support to other friends. Also, they might get involved with local support groups for trans teens, allies, and parents. Finding people who share a similar experience in local trans-friendly community groups can help them feel less alone and provide new ways to increase their support.
5. Take a person's gender identity seriously.
Those who aren’t comfortable or familiar with gender identity issues may prefer to see the subject as “just a phase.” But doing so can be condescending and hurtful—especially at this key moment in a child’s development, Smith says. One’s gender identity is not a choice they made on a whim. It’s something that a trans individual has, in fact, thought about for a very long time.
6. Stop violence before it starts.
Parents, teachers, school medical personnel, and administrators all need to be made aware of a student’s gender identity (with the student's permission) so that they can keep their eye out for bullying or other problems. If there is direct bullying (physical or verbal/emotional), adults should intervene quickly to correct the situation, Smith says.
The response should fit the severity and situation, but the overall message should be that this behavior will not be tolerated and that schools need to be a safe place for all students. It may mean a student is sent to talk to the counselor, principal, or another official for some disciplinary action.
It's generally best if schools have specific policies in place for staff to follow in these situations. But being able to prevent these situations is even better. That means teachers and staff should listen for and minimize gender stereotyping. They could, for example, modify their curriculum to include books that broaden students' understanding of gender.
"Being proactive is the best thing schools can do," Smith says. "Intentionally and overtly developing an environment where all students are accepted is the best way to prevent bullying."
SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
Source:
https://www.self.com/story/how-to-be-an-actual-ally-to-the-trans-students-in-your-life