Finding Hope in Transitions

Transitions often take us by surprise, even when we know they’re coming. While transitions occur throughout our lifetime, change is constant, they rarely get easier. Even positive transitions can make us feel like the waves of emotion will never stop.

Here we are, right on the precipice of change. We feel it culminating in small ways, but gradually the experience of transition grabs our attention. This is normal. Transitions fill our soul with so many responses - from joy and hope to grief and anxiety. Whether we are chatting with our spouse or pulling through the weeds with our therapist, we recognize these emotions are normal. They serve a purpose.

Take a moment before we go too deep and reflect on transitions you have experienced previously. How did you successfully manage it before? Tap into those strengths again.

Maybe you are going through transitions right now: a graduating student, new job, moving, ending relationships, or some other life transition. Perhaps you are recently coming out of a transition. Some transitions are not in our control: loss of a job, death of a loved one, illness, or financial struggles.

Register those feelings. In what ways are you feeling them right now? Is it a tightness in your shoulder? Is it a short, shallow breath? When are other moments you have felt like this? What helped?

Let’s reflect.

When we experience transitions in life, it can bring up several responses. The most common are mixtures of grief, anxiety, and hope.

Life transitions can be rough. Transitions imply that a shift is happening, and change is occurring. We may experience grief for the pieces that are transitioning out. We may experience anxiety during uncertainty as we establish our new identity. Yet, as we sift and work through transitions, we can actively tap into hope.

Let’s practice change.

Grief is our heart's response to loss. In transitions we are letting go of what was our “normal”. As we transition from single to coupled, we may grieve parts of singleness. When we sell our first home, we grieve the memories shared and created within the walls. Grief does not mean we are making a wrong decision, rather it’s our heart saying we are sad right now and that is okay. Hope is still there, but right now I need a moment to say goodbye to what I am walking away from.

Try This: Sometimes there are rituals to grief, such as funerals, but there may not be a formal process for your transition…so make one. It can be a picture book of childhood to adulthood or a trashing of the dress in a divorce. Whatever it may be, create a meaningful experience that will allow you to feel loss while you share in stories and memories.

Anxiety (fear) can creep up during transitions because there are elements out of our control and moments of uncertainty. These responses may wake us up at night or have us checking the approval letter one more time to make sure it’s correct. We ask ourselves, “But what if…?” or “But what about…?” As we wrestle with the fear, we remember these are important moments as we gravitate toward our new identity: homeowner, empty nester, college student, employee, etc. Remind yourself that as hard or scary as it is, you’re designing a life for yourself and building your future through this transition.

Try This: List everything that is filling your mind right now. Judgement free. Everything. Label items with a “3” that are completely out of your control. Then, label “2” on items that you kind of have control over. Left are things you have the most control over, label those as “1”. Usually, this list includes how I react/respond to situations. This can be so helpful in navigating life transitions because our energy around them usually involves many elements of control, or lack of.

Hope tells us something good is coming. During transitions, it’s normal for hope to get a little buried under the muck of grief and anxiety. Tapping into hope can bring us out of our anxiety and position us in a hope-filled space. In this space, we begin to see our new identity. Hope reminds us that, though transitions involve elements of grief and anxiety, what we are doing is good and with purpose.

Try This: Shift happens, but we can change the way we talk about it. By no means should we ignore what we are feeling - but there are moments when we can change how we relate to it. For example, when we are feeling nervous, is there room to replace or include excitement? It seems silly and simple, but our brain is so powerful that a seemingly simple shift in language can change how we view ourselves in relation to solutions and managing that moment.

Our hope reminds us that even during hard things, good is coming - and you can rest in knowing that you are doing the best you can.

You are doing hard work. Hope is there for you and so are we. Reach out if you want to have a therapist as a resource before, during, or after any life transition.